Well, I was actually an atheist, believe it or not, before I started worshiping Stan.
Really? I wasn't necessarily an atheist, I just didn't know what I thought. I thank Stan that I have some stability now.
Me too, I was actually a Christian and Amadan, here, he was a muslim before we came to know Stan.
It's true, I was. It took me some time before I could accept him. It just seemed so foreign, at first. I don't know. It just seemed like, suddenly, everyone had something... uh.. something great. And I wanted it. Even still, it seemed sudden. But I can say now I feel fully confident in my decision. I feel at ease... safe, and secure.
Yeah, that's a good way to describe it: at ease, safe, and secure. I also took my time in coming around to Stan. But, when all my friends and family converted, it was only a matter of time.
Oh, yeah, that was it for me as well. My family and friends. They were all going to the worship hall long before I even knew they were. It was last Coyote Day that I found out. I didn't even know that was a Stanian holiday! Anyway, they invited me to the service and that day I turned my life over to Stan and from that moment on, all of my conflict went away.
Amen
(Amen!)
Yeah, I was really goin downhill. I had this job that was just tearin me down. I was really resentin everyone and just, y'know, pretty miserable. I kinduh agreed with the idear of Stan, but I was too focused on how bad things were and how they just wouldn get better. I mean going to that place everyday and nothin ever gettin better... Anyway it was bad. My wife talked to me and I decided to, you know, join the family. (Amen.) And it's been good ever since. Frank over there, well, he noticed me at the worship hall n now I'm working for him over at the.. mortgage place.. er, you know, the bank. Which is REALLY all Stan cuz before, I didn know nuthin bout banks.
Amen. These are great testimonies, fellas. It's good to encourage each other in Stan; causing all conflict and question and imperfection to flee. Let us join together and praise Stan for all things that we know...Oh great Stan we thank thee for our oneness in each other that we ourselves can attribute to thee. We thank thee for the comfort we can enjoy in each other and our collective agreement in thee. We thank thou that we can collectively join together to encourage each other in thee, stretching long, loving arms of financial and social goodness to us here and all that agree in thee. And for those poor, misguided, wandering, wayward souls living outside of your comforting, safe arms; we will live our lives loudly as a banner to you! We will let you see the great things we have in Stan! We wish to win (amen) you! We wish to see you in our great family of wholeness! We wish to pull you from the open waters! AMEN!.... But, if those wandering, questioning souls will not agree in our great Stan... OH, help me Stan! HELP me STAN! We will see you brought DOWN! WE will see you FALL! (AMEN!) We will not hear your deceptions! We will see your demise! Stan will bring us the resources! Stan is the collector of resources!... And we... WE... will be the successful majority. Nay, the ONLY! Amen. We will win them or will rid our land of them... Thank Stan. (Amen.) Thank Stan. Let your wholeness be our answer to all. And we thank thee for our greatest blessing that we share that is obtained only in thee:
... true integrity.
Amen, (Amen.)
Thursday, May 10, 2012
Wednesday, May 2, 2012
The Boy Who Couldn't Shoot Lasers Out of His Eyes
What?! There's a kid at school that can fly?
Oh yeah, you didn't know? Yeah, he used to.. kinda.. float in right over there.
Float in?! You mean.. like.. fly? Fly in? Like, the kid physically flew to school?
Yeah, he walked out of his house and flew into the air and up and over to school... Landed right over there in the courtyard, next to that statue of that guy.. Everyday.
You're full of it. I can't believe I'm talking to you.
What? It's true. Ask anybody. His name was, er, is Taylar. With an a. I mean a-r. He can fly... Pretty high too. Ask anybody. Almost everybody knew who he was.
You're serious... Are you serious?
Yes dork, I'm serious. He used to fly to school. It was pretty cool at first, then it was just him flying to school. He was weird. New kids like you would always wanna attack him with questions and sign up for his imaginary "cool guy" fanclub... Everybody wanted to know how he did it. Nobody knows. He said it was easy.. That he just decided one day to "will himself to." Freakin weird. He used to try and teach other people how to do it.
Did anybody else do it?
Nope. I even tried it. I felt stupid. It was like he was making fun of you 'cause he could do it and you couldn't seem to... I mean, he wasn't a jerk er anything, it just made you feel stupid, standing there with your eyes closed trying to have "the understanding"... That's what he kept saying, that it was an "understanding."
...Well I want to try it!
Whatever. You're stupid. You can't do it. It's some dumb magic trick only he seems to know. I think he only told people they could do it so that they'd like him more.
What if someone else COULD do it?
They can't. I know they can't. I mean really, he freakin FLEW to school.
Well where is he? Did he finish?
No, he just stopped coming er somethin. Nobody knows.
Stopped coming? Don't you, like, have to go to school? Did he get some job, like, as a flying guy or something? I mean, if you can fly... why would you need to go to school?
Na, he just stopped coming. Some kids saw him at his house not too long ago, not doing anything. I think he's homeschool now. He was touchy. He got real upset at this dude Randy. He had said something to him like, "hey, you think yer so cool cuz you can fly- I bet you can't shoot no lasers outcher eyes."It WAS pretty funny. I mean, he wasn't like superman er anything. He just could fly.
...I wish I could fly.
MAN, your a looser. I'm trying to tell ya you can't fly. It's not that big a deal. After you see it a bunch of times you don't care anymore. He did tell people he was gonna do other stuff too. But we never saw it. He said if he could "will himself" to fly, then he figured he could do other stuff too. But I think he was full of it... I mean, he didn't "will himself" to shoot no freakin lasers out his eyes. He just flew and that's it. It was cool for a while, but he was weird. He didn't know how to talk to people er nothin.
Well I wanna at least SEE him fly.
I don't think he does it anymore. Some kids saw him gettin somethin at the gas station and then he just walked home. Maybe he forgot how er somethin. OR maybe he's just a wuss and he's still upset about Randy screwin with him. I don't know.
Really? So, he's probably not flying because of Randy?
Probably. He was touchy. And Randy's cool. He's like, the most popular guy in school.
I bet he can't fly though. Did HE ever tr-OWW! What'd you hit me for?
Don't talk bad about Randy. He's my friend. You're stupid. Why are you so stuck on flying? Flying's stupid.
Flying's not stupid!
It totally is.
No, it's not! You're a jerk!
Flying is stupid. That kid's not cool. His flying's not cool anymore and he's not cool. He wouldn't be cool even if he DID shoot lasers out of his eyes.
Oh yeah, you didn't know? Yeah, he used to.. kinda.. float in right over there.
Float in?! You mean.. like.. fly? Fly in? Like, the kid physically flew to school?
Yeah, he walked out of his house and flew into the air and up and over to school... Landed right over there in the courtyard, next to that statue of that guy.. Everyday.
You're full of it. I can't believe I'm talking to you.
What? It's true. Ask anybody. His name was, er, is Taylar. With an a. I mean a-r. He can fly... Pretty high too. Ask anybody. Almost everybody knew who he was.
You're serious... Are you serious?
Yes dork, I'm serious. He used to fly to school. It was pretty cool at first, then it was just him flying to school. He was weird. New kids like you would always wanna attack him with questions and sign up for his imaginary "cool guy" fanclub... Everybody wanted to know how he did it. Nobody knows. He said it was easy.. That he just decided one day to "will himself to." Freakin weird. He used to try and teach other people how to do it.
Did anybody else do it?
Nope. I even tried it. I felt stupid. It was like he was making fun of you 'cause he could do it and you couldn't seem to... I mean, he wasn't a jerk er anything, it just made you feel stupid, standing there with your eyes closed trying to have "the understanding"... That's what he kept saying, that it was an "understanding."
...Well I want to try it!
Whatever. You're stupid. You can't do it. It's some dumb magic trick only he seems to know. I think he only told people they could do it so that they'd like him more.
What if someone else COULD do it?
They can't. I know they can't. I mean really, he freakin FLEW to school.
Well where is he? Did he finish?
No, he just stopped coming er somethin. Nobody knows.
Stopped coming? Don't you, like, have to go to school? Did he get some job, like, as a flying guy or something? I mean, if you can fly... why would you need to go to school?
Na, he just stopped coming. Some kids saw him at his house not too long ago, not doing anything. I think he's homeschool now. He was touchy. He got real upset at this dude Randy. He had said something to him like, "hey, you think yer so cool cuz you can fly- I bet you can't shoot no lasers outcher eyes."It WAS pretty funny. I mean, he wasn't like superman er anything. He just could fly.
...I wish I could fly.
MAN, your a looser. I'm trying to tell ya you can't fly. It's not that big a deal. After you see it a bunch of times you don't care anymore. He did tell people he was gonna do other stuff too. But we never saw it. He said if he could "will himself" to fly, then he figured he could do other stuff too. But I think he was full of it... I mean, he didn't "will himself" to shoot no freakin lasers out his eyes. He just flew and that's it. It was cool for a while, but he was weird. He didn't know how to talk to people er nothin.
Well I wanna at least SEE him fly.
I don't think he does it anymore. Some kids saw him gettin somethin at the gas station and then he just walked home. Maybe he forgot how er somethin. OR maybe he's just a wuss and he's still upset about Randy screwin with him. I don't know.
Really? So, he's probably not flying because of Randy?
Probably. He was touchy. And Randy's cool. He's like, the most popular guy in school.
I bet he can't fly though. Did HE ever tr-OWW! What'd you hit me for?
Don't talk bad about Randy. He's my friend. You're stupid. Why are you so stuck on flying? Flying's stupid.
Flying's not stupid!
It totally is.
No, it's not! You're a jerk!
Flying is stupid. That kid's not cool. His flying's not cool anymore and he's not cool. He wouldn't be cool even if he DID shoot lasers out of his eyes.
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