The Great Golden Stan

Well, I was actually an atheist, believe it or not, before I started worshiping Stan.

Really? I wasn't necessarily an atheist, I just didn't know what I thought. I thank Stan that I have some stability now.

Me too, I was actually a Christian and Amadan, here, he was a muslim before we came to know Stan.

It's true, I was. It took me some time before I could accept him. It just seemed so foreign, at first. I don't know. It just seemed like, suddenly, everyone had something... uh.. something great. And I wanted it. Even still, it seemed sudden. But I can say now I feel fully confident in my decision. I feel at ease... safe, and secure.

Yeah, that's a good way to describe it: at ease, safe, and secure. I also took my time in coming around to Stan. But, when all my friends and family converted, it was only a matter of time.

Oh, yeah, that was it for me as well. My family and friends. They were all going to the worship hall long before I even knew they were. It was last Coyote Day that I found out. I didn't even know that was a Stanian holiday! Anyway, they invited me to the service and that day I turned my life over to Stan and from that moment on, all of my conflict went away.

Amen
(Amen!)

Yeah, I was really goin downhill. I had this job that was just tearin me down. I was really resentin everyone and just, y'know, pretty miserable. I kinduh agreed with the idear of Stan, but I was too focused on how bad things were and how they just wouldn get better. I mean going to that place everyday and nothin ever gettin better... Anyway it was bad. My wife talked to me and I decided to, you know, join the family. (Amen.) And it's been good ever since. Frank over there, well, he noticed me at the worship hall n now I'm working for him over at the.. mortgage place.. er, you know, the bank. Which is REALLY all Stan cuz before, I didn know nuthin bout banks.

Amen. These are great testimonies, fellas. It's good to encourage each other in Stan; causing all conflict and question and imperfection to flee. Let us join together and praise Stan for all things that we know...Oh great Stan we thank thee for our oneness in each other that we ourselves can attribute to thee. We thank thee for the comfort we can enjoy in each other and our collective agreement in thee. We thank thou that we can collectively join together to encourage each other in thee, stretching long, loving arms of financial and social goodness to us here and all that agree in thee. And for those poor, misguided, wandering, wayward souls living outside of your comforting, safe arms; we will live our lives loudly as a banner to you! We will let you see the great things we have in Stan! We wish to win (amen) you! We wish to see you in our great family of wholeness! We wish to pull you from the open waters! AMEN!.... But, if those wandering, questioning souls will not agree in our great Stan... OH, help me Stan! HELP me STAN! We will see you brought DOWN! WE will see you FALL! (AMEN!) We will not hear your deceptions! We will see your demise! Stan will bring us the resources! Stan is the collector of resources!... And we... WE... will be the successful majority. Nay, the ONLY! Amen. We will win them or will rid our land of them... Thank Stan. (Amen.) Thank Stan. Let your wholeness be our answer to all. And we thank thee for our greatest blessing that we share that is obtained only in thee:
... true integrity.

Amen, (Amen.)